The Rookie Workshop for New Homeschoolers
PART 1 -- Deschooling: The Mental Vacation You
Didn't Expect
If your child's been in school for any length of time,
an unexpected mental vacation may be in your future.
Your child's mental vacation, I mean -- not yours.
Often children who are coming out of a school setting
that was less than successful tend to balk at anything
resembling learning the moment you get them home.
That's because ‘school’ and 'learning' equal 'YUCK' right
now. Books and materials that look anything like ‘schoolwork’,
whether they're shelved inside a locker or plopped next
to the napkin holder, do not suddenly become more
appealing just because the geography's changed.
Simple Field Trips
While you and yours deschool, here's a few fun get-out-and-do-something ideas. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, but you might be surprised what your kids (and you) don't know about the everyday places we take for granted. These might also inspire Junior to come up with his own field trip ideas. (Yes Mom. DQ, Game Stop and the skateboarding park count. Remember the old adage: "You never truly know a thing until you teach it to someone else.")
The Magic Is In The Child
From the moment of birth children have a raging desire to learn, and if you just follow their lead, provide them with a rich environment, give them the undivided time and attention of the people who care about them the most, and encourage their efforts, they will not only learn, but exceed all expectations. By Diane Flynn Keith.
Now, most kids won't be able to articulate these reluctant,
uncomfortable feelings, but they'll likely resist any attempt to start
school in any number of ways: Actively (“No way!”) or Passively (“Sure
mom, that sounds great”, which is followed by an energy-draining
tug of push-pull-drag as you try to get them to do what
they just agreed to do.) They're not trying to drive you
nuts. Really. Rather, they're unconsciously letting you know
they need time to decompress. To flush that unhappiness out of their system, take a deep breath, and
remember that yes, they once did love learning. Their urge to learn has been quashed. At this moment they're feeling burned out, hung out to dry and completely unmotivated. I know that's not what you want to hear, is it -- you want to jump right in and homeschool -- but I'm here to say: save your energy. Both of my kids needed time to deschool (so did I, but I'll get to that in a minute) and I found that no matter how excited and rarin' to go mom was, my enthusiasm meant zero. The analogy I always think of for deschooling time is potty training. Sure, you can have Junior 'potty trained' at 9 months, and brag about it to your mother in law, but who's really 'being trained' here? You. Always watching and running him into the bathroom, just in the nick of time. Junior just doesn't have the motor control to do the bathroom thing at 9 months yet. It's a fact. The child will master it, he just needs more time.
It's the same with deschooling. Time is what's needed, and the amount it takes, varies. It'll depend on the child, how long they were in school, what their experience was like, their learning style, etc. Deschooling could happen in as little as 2 weeks, or take as long as 12 months. Sounds like eternity, doesn’t it? It certainly feels like an eternity. But, if you rush them because you can't wait to get started, I guarantee that a month or three from now, you’re going to be pulling your hair out and muttering to the ceiling at 3:00 a.m. Having experienced deschooling three times over myself (both kids, plus me), along with talking to hundreds of new homeschooling parents over the years, I’ve found that the deschooling process is fairly universal. We think that if we don't get the kids hitting the books immediately, get them into classes, drag them to museums, enthuse them somehow with the world of knowledge, they'll fall behind. They'll never get motivated again, won't graduate high school, land scholarships, go to college, find a great career, get married or have grandchildren, all because we weren't on top of our game and we ruined them for life. Our kids, on the other hand, are so mentally and emotionally toasted, they happily retreat into Wii and Gameboy heaven, with this wonderful hope of never, ever having to learn another thing for the rest of their natural born lives.
Relax. The sky is not falling. Everything that's happening right now is just temporary. We fuss and fidget and worry, because that's what good parents do. And yes, our kidlet is on 'a total mental vacation' right now, but, trust me, it won't last. It never does. Boredom will set in, a nifty idea will come along, something. Life doesn't stay stagnant. Kids are natural little sponges; they ask questions, soak up ideas, they take your stuff apart to see how it works, they make up great and elaborate games of pretend. You couldn't stop them from learning if you tried. But now they need the deschooling time to get back to the point when they woke up each morning and asked you 1001 questions before lunch. Remember those days? Why is the sky blue, mom? Why are clouds white, dad? Why do my feet smell? Where do ladybugs come from? What's so scary about that movie? How did that baby get inside your tummy? If you just let your child take the deschooing time they need, they'll regain that same curiosity -- and then some. Oh yes. Mine deschooled for so long, I felt like one of those cartoon figures, sitting at a desk, draped with dusty cobwebs, waiting and waiting and waiting. But when they were done, man oh man, they rocketed ahead of me so fast, my head was spinning. During the time I sat on my hands and tried not to count every deschooing minute, hour, day and week, I did a lot of talking to veteran parents and read oodles of books and articles on deschooling myself. I needed it. I'll bet you need it, too. Most of us parents do.
By the way, don't believe anyone who says that there is 'a right way' to deschool. Or homeschool, for that matter. There isn't. Anyone who says otherwise is full of baloney. I'll even go one step further and say they're probably trying to sell you something. The fact is, your deschooling (and homeschooling) life will look uniquely yours. Every child, every parent, every family is different. We're not assembly line, homogenized, one-size-fits-all cookie cutters. And no one knows the needs and comfort level of your family better than you. So trust your heart. Trust your natural instincts. Most of all, trust your kids. If your deschooling / homeschooling fits and feels comfortable, go with it. Nevermind what your neighbor's doing. You're not homeschooling your neighbor. Nevermind how 'weird' or 'out of the norm' it looks to anybody else. You're not homeschooling them, either. They've found their comfort zone. And you have yours.
Now, I know that in the back of your mind, you still have all these doubts that you can’t do any of this stuff (and
I’d really wonder about you if you didn't), but believe me, you can. These are normal reactions. I had them. My friends did, too. Parents (good parents) will initially doubt themselves until the end of time. I sound confident now, but, way back, four months before we took the plunge, I investigated homeschooling like an expert private eye: I read all the homeschool books in the library, attended I can't tell you how many support group meetings, peppered other home educators with endless questions, attended a Rookie Workshop of my own (hosted by bestselling author Cafi Cohen
During this crazy 8th month, a wise homeschooler, taking pity on my always-tied-in-knots demeanor, saved my sanity. She calmly looked at me, smiled, and asked the following question. I don't claim credit for it, I'm just the echo:
Who was your child’s very first teacher?
You. That's right.
Who will always be the best teacher for your child?
That's right, you again. Don't believe me? Sound like so much pie-in-the-sky hooey? Okay then, ask yourself this: Who else has as much interest in your child’s education as you? Somebody who teaches for a living? A stranger who shows up to teach a roomful of 30 new kids every year? Sure, that person might be a fantabulous teacher, but does that mean he loves your kid the way he loves his own kids? Hmmm, well, maybe if you bribed him. How about if you bought him a new car? A cruise to Tahiti? An expensive dinner, a little dancing and a nice Rolex, perhaps?
Have I made you smile a little? Good. That was the point. Now what I want you to do is breathe. That’s right. Quit clutching that mouse in a death grip and just breathe.
You can do this.
© 2006 Cindy Englan
NEXT: THE ROOKIE WORKSHOP (Part 2) -- Homeschooling Styles
Out of the seemingly endless array of styles out there, how do you know which one is the right one? Honestly, there aren't that many in the first place (that's just marketing hyberbole). And as for "right", this isn't public school. You don't need to Pick One Way And Stick With It Forever. Being a home educator allows you to experiment, make mistakes, backtrack, change your opinion and adjust until you're comfortable. Welcome to educational freedom!
and coming up . . . . . .
THE ROOKIE WORKSHOP (Part 3) -- Learning Styles
Successful homeschooling isn't just a matter of finding 'the right curriculum'. Rather, it's finding the best for the both of you.
THE ROOKIE WORKSHOP (Part 4) -- What Else Counts As Curriculum?
Contrary to popular belief, learning doesn't begin precisely at 8:00 a.m. or abruptly stop at 3:00 just because a bell rings.
THE ROOKIE WORKSHOP (Part 5) -- The Best Homeschooling Books and Magazines
From inspiring to radical, theoretical to practical, here's the cream of the crop, written by veteran parents who've been there, done that, hugged trees, blazed trails, and bought the denim jumper.
Find more articles on deschooling.
"It only takes about 50 contact hours to transmit basic literacy and math skills well enough that kids can be self-teachers from then on. The cry for "basic skills" practice is a smokescreen behind which schools pre-empt the time of children for twelve years ..." - from The Six Lesson Schoolteacher by John Taylor Gatto
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